Hole in my soul

I have posted several times that I love life and I am truly grateful to be living and experiencing things here on earth, but I have a story to tell y’all that applies to finding that happiness and feeling at peace with myself. As some of you may know I am a member of the church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day saints and I have posted about it before in one of my first Blog posts since getting home in from my mission almost three years ago. I can hardly believe that it has been that long. Time really is like sand that sifts through fingers.

When I go back from my mission I made a promise to myself that I would never go back to the way that I was before the mission years. Before I left on my mission I had very little interest in all things spiritual, but while I was on my mission I repented and made a huge effort to get closer to God and feel his spirit in my life. It was an amazingly life changing experience that I wouldn't exchange for anything in the world. It is one of the major experiences in my life that I attribute to who I am today.

The thing is that while you are on a mission you live by strict guidelines that helped me to live life in a more spiritual way. They help you to learn how to get closer to the Heavenly father all while teaching the gospel to others. For me it was a wonderful experience that helped to change a lot, but returning from the mission is a completely different adventure. You have to learn how to adapt to regular life again which is a trial in itself.

I am sorry to say that I did not adapt very well, as time went on I got farther and farther away from my heavenly father, and one day it just hit me, that I was missing something in my life. I had hit a point where I was knew I was missing it in my life. I could feel a hole where I had felt peace and happiness beforehand.  I wanted to feel that happiness so bad I was longing for it and I knew that the reason that I didn’t feel it was because I had gotten away from making an effort to be closer to him, and as I pondered upon the last three years I began to realize that I couldn’t blame anyone else but myself for where I currently stood. I had walked there myself away from light and I had to walk back towards the light.

The reason I share this is because I want to at least help someone realize the important of the light of Christ in our lives. There is a current trend to ignore everything spiritual in this world and just focusing on the spiritual pleasure that we can get out of this life. I am here to tell you that I have lived on both sides and just living for physical pleasure does not bring happiness. It’s kind of hard to explain, but as I experienced it I began to feel like I was being hollowed out.  It was almost as if someone or something was slowly piece by piece scooping out the quiet happy serenity that I had begun to enjoy while I was on my mission and living my life in a very spiritual way. I knew it was my fault but as I moved farther and farther away from the light I began to see that it was only through my stupidity that I began to lose my sense of security and life. I had fallen to one of the greatest lies that has been told throughout history, I was victim of spiritual negligence.

When I hit this epiphany I could feel a huge hole inside me. I felt horrible and I knew that I was missing something. I know for a fact that I need god in my life and that without him I can’t have the same kind of happiness that comes with being spiritual. There is a distinct difference between the two types of happiness and I wanted the quiet serenity and Identity that came with spirituality. So for the past few weeks I have been making a big effort to look at life through a more spiritual mind set, and it has helped so much, I have been so edified and I have gotten to feel the spirit in my life and try as I did I was not able to fill it up any other way.

I know that there is a trend these days that diminishes the importance of being spiritual but I testify to you that it is absolutely is. God loves us and he wants us to be happy, but the only way that we can have a fullness of joy is if we seek him out. He loves us greatly and as we make an effort to get closer to him we will be able to feel happier it has been the case with me.

I am going to try and share with you over the next couple days some of the religious stuff that I have been listening to and watching over the last couple of days. I feel like people everywhere need a little bit of a pick me up during the day and I want to share with y’all what I has touched me and helped me to feel a little bit happier and a little bit closer to God.